brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
