a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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