I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
