So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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