she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
