No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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