Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
