Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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