Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were trust falling into bushes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
