i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
