literally had 100 drinks last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
