where am i from again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
