So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
