Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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