I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
