theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
