It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
