i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
