at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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