There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
