I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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