dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
