this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he fucked my hip out of place.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
