I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
