Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
