Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
