After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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