What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
