Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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