btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
