I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
