That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
