no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
