I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
