he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What did we do last night that was yellow?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
