We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
