I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
