Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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