Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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