The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
