Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
