i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
