i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
