Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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