don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
