i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
