# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
