she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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