the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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