Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
