Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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