I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
