I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
