omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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