I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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