Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
