maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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