In the future we'll all be gay
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
